I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
