I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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