I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
