I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have tasted many bathrooms
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
