Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
