When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
