Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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