i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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