You can't special order awesome
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
