as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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