I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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