no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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