Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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