I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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