You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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