have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
