Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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