Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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