I am in a vortex of obligation.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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