Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
