TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
