gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
