so that wasnt chicken after all
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
