Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
