i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
