a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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