how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
