the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
