Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
