i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
