I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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