We need to rekindle our bromance
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
