Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize