if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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