I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
