My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
