I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
