Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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