her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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