I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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