Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
so much tequila, so little girl.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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