Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
