I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
