OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
