it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
