I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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