i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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