I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
