I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
