Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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