I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drake has all the answers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
